But does overparenting hurt, or help? While parents who are clearly and embarrassingly inappropriate come in for ridicule, many of us find ourselves drawn to the idea that with just a bit more parental elbow grease, we might turn out children with great talents and assured futures. Parental involvement has a long and rich history of being studied. Why is this particular parenting style so successful, and what does it tell us about overparenting? For one thing, authoritative parents actually help cultivate motivation in their children. Carol Dweck, a social and developmental psychologist at Stanford University, has done research that indicates why authoritative parents raise more motivated, and thus more successful, children.
Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which you might feel the least prepared. Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else. Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong.
By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless. Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like "What a stupid thing to do! Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don t love their behavior. Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find yourself criticizing far more often than complimenting.
How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well intentioned? The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards — your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are "growing" more of the behavior you would like to see.
Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help kids choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits you establish for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults. Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: You might want to have a system in place: A common mistake parents make is failure to follow through with the consequences.
You can t discipline kids for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect. It s often difficult for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing kids would like more. Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner. Kids who aren t getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they re sure to be noticed that way.
Many parents find it rewarding to schedule together time with their kids. Create a "special night" each week to be together and let your kids help decide how to spend the time. Look for other ways to connect — put a note or something special in your kid s lunchbox. Adolescents seem to need less undivided attention from their parents than younger kids.
Because there are fewer windows of opportunity for parents and teens to get together, parents should do their best to be available when their teen does express a desire to talk or participate in family activities. Attending concerts, games, and other events with your teen communicates caring and lets you get to know more about your child and his or her friends in important ways.
Don t feel guilty if you re a working parent. It is the many little things you do — making popcorn, playing cards, window shopping — that kids will remember. Young kids learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want your child to behave when angry?
Be aware that you re constantly being watched by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home. Model the traits you wish to see in your kids: Exhibit unselfish behavior. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you. You can t expect kids to do everything simply because you, as a parent, "say so. If we don t take time to explain, kids will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis.
Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way. Make your expectations clear. If there is a problem, describe it, express your feelings, and invite your child to work on a solution with you. Be sure to include consequences. Make suggestions and offer choices. Be open to your child s suggestions as well. Kids who participate in decisions are more motivated to carry them out. If you often feel "let down" by your child s behavior, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations.
Parents who think in "shoulds" for example, "My kid should be potty-trained by now" might find it helpful to read up on the matter or to talk to other parents or child development specialists. Kids environments have an effect on their behavior, so you might be able to change that behavior by changing the environment. If you find yourself constantly saying "no" to your 2-year-old, look for ways to alter your surroundings so that fewer things are off-limits.
This will cause less frustration for both of you. As your child changes, you ll gradually have to change your parenting style. Chances are, what works with your child now won t work as well in a year or two. Teens tend to look less to their parents and more to their peers for role models. But continue to provide guidance, encouragement, and appropriate discipline while allowing your teen to earn more independence. And seize every available moment to make a connection!
As a parent, you re responsible for correcting and guiding your kids. But how you express your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child receives it. When you have to confront your child, avoid blaming, criticizing, or fault-finding, which undermine self-esteem and can lead to resentment.
Instead, strive to nurture and encourage, even when disciplining your kids. Make sure they know that although you want and expect better next time, your love is there no matter what. Face it — you are an imperfect parent. You have strengths and weaknesses as a family leader. Recognize your abilities — "I am loving and dedicated.
You don t have to have all the answers — be forgiving of yourself. And try to make parenting a manageable job. Focus on the areas that need the most attention rather than trying to address everything all at once. Admit it when you re burned out. Take time out from parenting to do things that will make you happy as a person or as a couple.
Focusing on your needs does not make you selfish. It simply means you care about your own well-being, which is another important value to model for your children. Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD.
Mentally strong kids have parents who refuse to do these 13 things
Welcome to the internet parent education workshop. A place to build parenting skills that help parents to discipline kids from toddlers to teens as well as to encourage children and adolescents to feel positive about themselves and to become the winners they were meant to be. Lots of practical solutions for parents as well as tips for improving communication,building positive relationships and other useful parenting skills. The goal of parenting is to teach kids to develop self-discipline. Many parents feel spanking is necessary for effective discipline.
This year, Greater Good magazine dramatically expanded coverage of parenting and child development. Our editors measured their own judgment against both site traffic and reader response to compile this list of our eleven best parenting articles from
Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world — and the one for which you might feel the least prepared. Kids start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else. Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.
Raising Successful Children
When I became a mom, I got lots of advice on how to love my child. But not until a few years ago did someone actually point out that loving a child means wanting what s best for them long-term. When my four daughters were young, long-term didn t resonate with me. Back then it was about survival, meeting daily needs and keeping my head above water. Now that my kids are maturing, however, the fog is lifting.WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: Heckler doesn't stand a chance - Steve Hofstetter (Selfish mom heckler)
Parenting children through puberty
Victorian government portal for older people, with information about government and community services and programs. Type a minimum of three characters then press UP or DOWN on the keyboard to navigate the autocompleted search results. Puberty brings lots of changes for your child — and for you as a parent too. Your child is transitioning from child to adult — and you may feel uncertain about how best to support them through the physical, psychological and emotional changes this brings. One of the best ways is to just be reassuring. Puberty is simply a series of natural changes that every child goes through. Some kids struggle with the changes, while others sail through puberty without concern. Only a small percentage of children experience extreme turmoil during this phase of their development. You can read more detailed articles on puberty and the teenage years generally [https:
When Spouses Disagree About Parenting Issues
Raising a mentally strong kid doesn t mean he won t cry when he s sad or that he won t fail sometimes. Mental strength won t make your child immune to hardship—but it also won t cause him to suppress his emotions. In fact, it s quite the opposite. Mental strength is what helps kids bounce back from setbacks. It gives them the strength to keep going, even when they re plagued with self-doubt. A strong mental muscle is the key to helping kids reach their greatest potential in life. But raising a mentally strong kid requires parents to avoid the common yet unhealthy parenting practices that rob kids of mental strength.
Nine Steps to More Effective Parenting
When two people get married and decide to have children, they rarely talk about the specifics of how they plan to raise these children. While the wonderful person they married has the same idea and attitude, but that parent was raised with a, b and c parenting. So the real problems begin when these two parents have a two-year old and their parenting styles begin to clash. When spouses disagree about parenting issues, what usually happens is that one parent tends to be more strict and the other parent tends to be more lenient. The strict parent gets angry when the lenient parent allows too much leeway. The lenient parent gets upset when the strict parent is too restrictive. So the strict parent gets stricter and the lenient parents gets more permissive until the parents are battling all the time over how to discipline.